Sugar Rush

I tend to spend the year careening from one candy-related holiday to another. Christmas is always nice, since gorging becomes not just acceptable, but practically mandatory. Halloween is good for sheer quantity, and the built-in excuse of "leftovers." For the past ten years I've lived either in apartment buildings or in houses that were so rundown and unsavory-looking that kids wouldn't come near them, but I've still bought halloween candy anyway. What can I say? If kids are going to be all wimpy about rotting steps, then they don't deserve candy.

But Easter is definitely the worst. It's ground zero for the all godawful sugar-and-food colouring garbage I crave. I mean, you can get jellybeans year round, but only around Easter can you get the pastel 'spring' jellybeans that seem to be twice as sweet the regular kind. You know, the good kind. But of the full array of sugary junk, marshmallow eggs are definitely my favourite. It must be a genetic abnormality - the only other person I've ever met who can even tolerate them is my sister. Every Easter, after we had finished our own allotment of marshmallow eggs, we would raid our younger brother's basket for more. The sugar gene must have skipped him, since he can't stand them.

I've noticed that every year it gets harder and harder to find the right kind of marshmallow eggs. Gummy-type eggs aren't acceptable. Neither are the soft, puffy marshmallow candies shaped like distorted bunnies. It has to be the kind with a stiff (but not crunchy) outer shell, brightly coloured with artificial sheen. The inside is soft but slightly granular, like there's too much sugar in the recipe for it all to properly dissolve. The outer shell is essential, since the proper method for eating marshmallow eggs involves putting one on your tongue and letting the outer layer of sugar and color melt off. After this, the surface will be rough and granular, but still solid. Only once the shell has melted sufficiently and started to collapse are you allowed to actually bite. The inexperienced should be prepared for a coma-inducing wave of sugar and maybe even a bit of subsequent nausea.

Those lucky enough to possess the marshmallow egg gene, however, can start in on the rest of the bag and relax knowing that the happiest time of the year has finally arrived.