Freedom

Tonight I waited until the baby had gone to sleep, or was almost there, made an excuse and took off in the car. Seems like the kind of thing I should have done hundreds of times by now, but I haven't.

But tonight I did, and I think I am supposed to have a wild tale of freedom on the open roads to tell. Instead, I vacuumed the truck. There's really no excuse for this level of lameness and, even worse, I'm not particularly ashamed. Hearing the rattle of cheerios as they got sucked down the tube and out of my life was beautiful. Be gone, toddler catastrophe ! Oh, getting them out of the openings around the straps was heavenly. I'm not being even slightly sarcastic here.

It wasn't entirely pathetic. It was dark when I got home. That's pretty grown up, right? I saw the perfect half moon, pink and clear. I saw the street lights flick on, which always sends a shiver of small child excitement through me, at the very same time as it makes me long for something I can never name.

I might have an idea about sneaking out later and staying out and going far far far. Seeing how far I can go before I change my mind and come rattling back like the spool of a tape measure.