On the walk between the bus stop and home
you can listen to Holding Back the Year by Lou Barlow three and a half times. I tested this every week for two months, scurrying back from my night class. I suppose if it had been summer and not so dark I could have slowed down and stretched it out to four complete recitations. But it's more of a scurrying kind of song, it feels right to be hunched over while you're listening to it, in a combat sort of posture, ready to defend yourself against something, even if it's just the cold. And, for a few weeks, it was the only song I wanted to hear. I would listen to it on repeat for half an hour at work before sheepishly turning it off, just in case someone could hear the same notes leaking from my headphones again and again and think I was insane. More insane.
Rolling from your brat sarcastic eye
A California tear, a drop of gold
Maybe you were cold, yeah, so was I
Holding back
Holding back the year
I thought it was bright sarcastic eyes, and at first I was disappointed. But now I like to hear him spit out brat in defiance of anyone who wants the song to be prettier.
The year before the poison took its toll
Made you paper thin, me- wrinkled, old
Eventually, yeah, finally it caught up
I held you back, grabbed you by the arm
I played upon your fear
Perhaps I identify too much with feeling paper thin and worn out. Let's move on.
Rollin' down the window won't I
Order up some breakfast if I can
Hold me back
Hold me by the arm
Wipe away my tear
Wipe away my tear
And then, out of nowhere, he's getting some breakfast at the drive-thru. But I suppose you have to eat, no matter what's going on inside your head.
The story ends with friends and early nights
A kitten grown to cat and no more fights
This is how we stay together, love
And then things change as they inevitably do. I love the image of a kitten growing up as a symbol of life going on. And that an old, bitter punk rocker is singing about cats and early nights as representing the good, calm side of life.
Holding back
Holding back the year
Hold me back
Grab me by the arm
Whisper in my ear
Holding back the year
Holding back the year
What more do you need?
